"Thru cloud and sunshine Lord, abide with me"

I'd be lying if I said this week was full of sunshine and rainbows. Mission life is a weird life. I go through so many phases. One week I'm so happy to be a missionary and feeling good and confident, and the next I have some sort of emotional mid-life crisis (let's hope this isn't mid-life for me). Anyway, you know me, I can be a tad dramatic, but man life slaps you over the head sometimes! Haha one of our ward members says it takes God hitting her in the head with a 2×4 until she finally does things His way.

Man I feel that. Too often I keep trying to do things my way, rather than God's way, which just leads to my own disappointment, frustration, and realization that I am so inadequate. Do you ever feel like you just won't measure up? Like you will never fully be able to do what God asks of you? That was me this week. I once again was overwhelmed with all we have to do as missionaries. With training, it kinda slows the pace of things down, and we have extra time for studies and training. As a result, I feel like so much is slipping through the cracks. This leaves me discouraged. I also kinda got sick with a cold this week. We only stayed inside a few days and then I was over staying inside. The symptoms are lingering though, since it's been like years since I had a cold. Kinda funny though, haha, the day I got sick I had a Google photos memory pop up from when I had to get a covid test a year ago. That was a fun time. Anyway, when I talked about this discouragement with my family, my mom gave me some pretty good advice- "Lacey, stop taking everything so seriously and just enjoy your life." I realized that I haven't been focusing on the right stuff. We have to focus on Christ and on the miracles. I was reminded of this during our relief society (church organization for women) meeting on Sunday when we discussed miracles. I reflected on small miracles I've seen on my mission. It's no wonder that the Book of Mormon exhorts us to "remember" about a million times, because there is so much power in that remembrance. Whenever I reflect on all the amazing experiences I've had, I'm filled with gratitude for my mission despite the challenges. I miss my family more than I ever thought possible, but as I thought about it, this popular phrase came to mind- "Missionaries leave their families for 18 months to 2 years to help other people be with their families forever." When I keep that eternal perspective, life feels easier and the mission feels worth it. I've also thought a lot about the refining process. I came across this verse the other day while reading the Book of Mormon. "For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."

1 Nephi 20:10 When I read this, I focused in on the word "chosen." To me, it reflects endearment. That when you're chosen, you are worth it. I realized that the refining process I've been through is a sign of God's love for me. He is giving me these chances of uncomfortable refinement because he thinks I'm worth it. He helps us make those changes ultimately because he wants us to live with him again. He loves us so much that he is willing to watch his children go through pain and trial. Imagine how hard that must be for a loving Heavenly Father. But He watches, cheering us on and saying "I'm right here. I got you." Anyway, I know my emails just end up being my deepest thoughts, but I enjoy writing them. It's therapeutic! Christ is with us, "thru cloud and sunshine." (thanks to the hymn Abide With Me for this week's song lyric title) And I know that He wants to be with me as I do his work. Life wasn't meant to be perfect or easy, but I have the faith that miracles are coming for this area. We are slowly building, and I know something good will come from this time. I'm learning to patiently wait for those miracles. It isn't easy, and at times I don't do it with much grace, but I know I'm not alone. Don't forget that Jesus loves you, Sister Wallace Pics!

1.comp selfie 2. Sister lunch 3. Cute notes my "greenie" comp left me 4. Another food pic for you- buttery carrots, balsamic green beans, coconut rice. Perfection. 5. Yellow roses are special (email me if you know why lacey.wallace@missionary.org) 6. A "I'm hanging in there" selfie